Keep Your Black Card: 10 Unspoken Black People Rules
Every culture has them: rules that aren’t really taught to you but are just learned along the way. I will admit, Just recently I learned a couple of the rules myself but most of these (all of these) should sound familiar if you want to keep your black card!
10. If your birthday falls within 2 weeks of another family members (for some families it's three weeks) be prepared to celebrate together. It doesn't matter if you are 12 and your grandmother is 76, know the event will start out with you and end up being a grown folks party. Happy Birthday!
9. It doesn't matter how much you hate your cousin, no matter how many times you wanted to fight her for something that happened ten years ago, if you are in "mixed company," also known as "in front of white folks" y'all will not slander each other. We have to show unity! This doesn't happen as much now in the community but when I grew up it was mandatory.
8. If you are going to the bathroom during the sermon at church, make sure you hold that pointer finger in the air. I think this is more distracting to me and I read that the "Church Finger" roots back to slavery but that hasn't been proven.
7. As a mother, when you go into the store you automatically have to tell your kids some variation of "don’t ask for nothing and don’t touch nothing because you ain't getting nothing." Bonus: If you are in this store and your kids see other children acting out, you have to look them right in the eye and say "you know not to act like that and embarrass me in public because I'll beat your ass where you show out and won't care who sees."
6. If you see black people running, you may want to start running, too. We don't just start running for no reason. Something is coming! Run now, ask questions later.
5. If you cry when you get your hair combed no one will feel sorry for your tender headed self. You will have to go through it just like your mamma, her mamma, and her mamma before that. So you might as well stop the squirming because you aren't going no where with the family with your hair all over your head. #SorryNotSorry
4. If you are sick, the only medicine you need is Ginger Ale and to go lay down. It doesn't matter if you have a cold, the flu, bronchitis, or think you may need to remove your pancreas, drink some Ginger Ale and lay down because nobody taking you to the hospital. Bonus: If you do anything but lay down and drink your Ginger Ale, i.e. watch TV, laugh, blink too fast... "you ain't even really sick!"
3. Your kids cannot drink anything before they finish everything on their plate. It can be the driest chicken you have ever fried, they better eat everything in front of them and dare them to reach for that cup.
2. NOTHING starts on time so don't even fix your face to be angry. This includes but is not limited to Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas Eve parties, birthday celebrations, grandma's funeral, and your great cousin's wedding. Just arrive about 90 minutes late and you will be alright. If you do decide to show up on time for whatever reason, please understand you may not get in because the host is probably going to be late too.
1. The NUMBER ONE RULE is if you can’t play spades, please don’t sit at the table. Save yourself and your partner the pure embarrassment and just go play uno with the kids. The bragging rights in spades is serious because spades isn't an actual game. It's a competition. You will not learn as you go at the table. Go download an app (like I had to do to learn or my wife would have divorced me) and learn that way. Just know that if you cut your partner out, over bid, or renege, you may lose a friend...or SPOUSE!
How did you like the 10 rules? Do you agree with all of them or do you have others of your own? Comment below!