• Tyierra R. Henderson

Why Some Black Woman Like to Keep Their Pepper Away From the Salt

I was in the hair store, trying to get what I needed to keep my hair laid when in walks a couple. Not just any pair. It was a black man and his very Caucasian wife. And right next to them strolled in their absolutely gorgeous seven something year old daughter. The little half white half black girl had such pretty long hair and she was so excited about going down the isle with all the beautiful little bows and knockerballs. I'm not sure if that is their official name but that’s what they're going to be called today. I thought it was so cute! The whole family on a trip to get girly hair supplies.



I was not alone in observing the family searching for the perfect stripped bow. Two women to my left, right in the corner of my eye, who resembled the duo from the 90's movie BAPS (man I love that movie) was staring at the bi-racial couple but not how I was. They gazed at them with the stomach flu face in disgust. It was if their thoughts were scribbled on the their foreheads:

“Another black man with a white woman. Ain’t this some shit!” And apart of me felt their pain.


Disclaimer for all those reading this to include friends, family, close and distance associates and future/current employers:


I in no way discriminate! I can’t help who I love and no one else can either. I do not judge. Love a dolphin for all I care. I do not see age, gender or race. I mean I am 2% Asian ( that AncestryDNA got me thinking I can make egg rolls or something). I just want to explain the reason behind that black woman’s face when she sees this man pushing the shopping cart at Walmart with a white lady dripping across his arm.


Let’s start with a history lesson shall we:


Emmett Till was a young black boy who was lynched in Mississippi in 1955 at 14, after being accused of whistling at a white woman. Key words here are white woman and lynched. But it wasn’t a normal lynching. They beat that baby so bad he was unrecognizable. I won’t share photos but Google will decently educate you. He was just a boy and all he did, if he really did it at all, was whistle. He was sentenced to death for that?


For decades black men were lynched beaten and thrown in jail for looking in the direction of a white woman. But that black woman was right by his side. Bailing him out, taking his body down from the tree. Picking out his last pair of slacks he’ll wear for the funeral. Even when he had breath in his body she would be right there. Dealing with all his bull and scraping a meal together to feed his black ass with the few pennies he was allowed to make. That black woman was loyal and it was to nothing. She was strong for him, and was his backbone when he wanted to give in. A black woman was a black man’s everything.


Oh but now! Black woman aren’t enough. Or in some regards we are “too” much. We have to be more independent but that means we’re too strong. When we try to let you lead we are too clingy. We wear weave not only to feel beautiful but the version of beautiful a black man wants and they can’t stand our fake hair but let us be natural and we are too nappy or our natural hair just isn't for everybody. Wait... so the natural hair that a woman grows from the follicles of her own head isn't fitting to her? Yes, that makes perfect sense. But how can you blame us for our wanting to wear our bundles when they resemble the hair of your new Barbie doll?


We tell you to get off your ass then we are too pushy and not supportive. But if we let you do what you want we’re too weak. And don’t be the fool who gets a black mans credit score to a 752 from a 510. You teach him how to balance a checkbook and it’s over! You know you gonna lose him. There are so many times a black woman has put in work, time, effort, money and energy into a black man and when he is perfect and molded just right, he is gone to the same woman who he couldn’t even look at 60 years ago.

So it hurts to think some black woman put in work to help that man out of a hole and is now drained while he is prancing around in a field of daisies with this other woman. Where was that energy when she was busting her ass working doubles to help pay for your college degree? Oh that’s right! You were studying and in your free time playing 2k while eating all the Oreos.


Black women in this day are undervalued because we are all labeled the angry ones and left with nothing but debt in one hand and used bundles of tracks in the other. But has anyone asked us why we are so pissed? Because the support system we thought we were building just walked off thinking he is going to be the best dark Ken doll on this side of the Mason-Dixon Line.


So I don’t know that man’s story in the hair store. I don’t know how he came to meet that young lady. I don’t know if they’ve been together their whole adult lives or not. But what I do know is the struggle a black woman has faced. Now I’m not saying that she is right. Maybe she should loosen up a bit and understand the world is changing and she should change with it. But the issue with that is black woman have been changing and bending since the beginning of time. Maybe someone else can do a little bit of bending. Maybe we all should try to understand each other’s pains so we can better understand our own.


What do you think? Does this bother you at all when you see it? Tell me below!